Sixty-three years ago my sweet husband, Greg, was born, and I was privileged to be married to him for almost 37 years before he died. Today, a few precious words he wrote just before he died touched my heart and brought healing and hope.
I started completely over plotting my 2nd novel tonight. The “muse” was there–the ideas coming faster than I could write. Actually, what some writers call the “muse,” I call the Holy Spirit’s inspiration. As I put myself in the main character’s shoes and allowed her to journal, I realized how much of what God showed me years ago in my marriage, He wants to show this character. And, ultimately, my readers. As with any relationship, Greg and I had good times and rough spots. God so graciously introduced us to a Spirit-filled Christian counselor who taught us to communicate more effectively, set loving boundaries, and learn to respect and honor each other as unto the Lord. With God’s help, our marriage went from about a seven to WAY over the ten we both wanted! Praise God!
Anyway, as I finished working tonight, I thought about this being Greg’s birthday and how much of what we shared will indiscreetly go into this book. Totally different circumstances, but the same lessons to be learned.
That being said, the memory of what we shared brought great regret to my heart as it has ever since Greg died. Regret that we didn’t learn what we learned years earlier. Regret for not trying to understand my husband better. For not totally knowing his heart until the 2nd half of our marriage. I don’t feel guilty, but I do feel incredibly sad. I’ve prayed and asked God to help me give this sadness up, but didn’t know how to do it.
Tonight I was finally able to release that sorrow when I realized that what we experienced together will go on to bless others and bring them joy in the Lord. As I did, peace filled my heart, and I remembered something Greg wrote in a letter he left me when he died. “Don’t look back. This is just life on earth. We will be together throughout all eternity.”
I will write this book with that in mind. This will be my birthday gift for Greg. My love for him will go forward as a gift to others. That would make Greg SO happy. And me, too.
6/8/2019 11:46:00 PM by: Barbara E. Haley
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